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Quote of Infamy!!
"I see by your bling that you are a holy man." by dame_montague

The 8-bit Dnd Sketch:
http://www.cybermoonstudios.com/8bitDandD.swf

Knights of the Dinner Table Flash Animations:
http://www.hoodyhoo.com/kodt.htm

Fear of Girls roleplayer spoof:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7521044027821122670

Always the First to Die song:
http://www.planetadnd.com/humor/misc_humor/always_the_first_to_die.zip
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Jul. 19th, 2011 @ 09:53 pm Santhil #2
D&D 3.5, homebrew, steampunk, furries. Played over IRC.

The Party:

Akavi Morvaunt, changeling sorcerer.
Glru Greatwrench, rather tall catfolk bodger.
Ika Yorri, rabbitfolk bard.
Lunos Nocturn, featherkin cleric.
Markas Tarmikos, squirrelfolk rogue and aspiring comedian.
Tobias Wellman, human fighter.

The party is in the jungle, working for an organization called House Aletheia; House Gomeric is one of their rivals. Markas is caught by a tiger. Akavi tries to use a Color Spray to stun the tiger, but it stuns Markas instead.
Markas: "Oh, nice going! Next time, I'm voting Gomeric."
Akavi says clearly in Elvish to Markas, "If that's an attempt at comedy, it's for the best you're about to die."
Markas: "You try being funny when you've got a kitty bigger than Glru trying to eat you!"
Akavi: "What's your excuse for all your other jokes?"
Markas: ((Technically I shouldn't be talking because I'm stunned.))
DM: ((Yeah, there's that.))
Tobias: ((Your character's need to talk is subconscious and continues even in your stunned state. :-P))

Lunos: Okay, so do I know anything about this tiger? Can I roll for knowledge?
DM: Sure, roll for Knowledge (Nature).
Lunos: Looking for anything noticeable, particularly any signs of human involvement.
Lunos rolls a 16.
DM: Tigers are the largest and most powerful of the four "big cats" in the genus Panthera. The tiger is an apex predator and obligate carnivore. Also they have stripes. You do not see any signs of human involvement on this one.
Lunos: Wow, I found some bloody brilliant knowledge there. They have stripes. Oh good, that's gonna be useful. Can I try for Sense Motive or anything like that?
Ika: (("As it turns out, the tiger isn't hungry, but is seeking the acknowledgment of his father..."))
Markas: (("YOU'RE DOING YOUR DAD REAL PROUD!" Markas screams as the tiger mauls him.))

After defeating the tiger and some giant spiders, and taking a spider leg as a trophy, the party heads back to town. The people in charge of town are racist, so the furries have to sleep in clearings outside.
Glru looks to buying a comfy cushion and rigging a handle to the tendons in the spider leg so he can puppeteer with it.
Glru rolls a 27 on Craft (Tools).
DM: You manage to construct a spider-leg-cushion puppet.
Glru: The cushion is for sitting on in his clearing, not for attaching to the puppet.
DM: Oh.
Glru: Do you think I'm crazy or something? :D

Akavi, who came into town as a dark-haired human male, shapeshifts into a half-elf female body to do some sneaky reconaissance.
Akavi grins playfully. "And if I see any humans, I'll tell them to stay away!"
DM: Mischa grins back. "You do that. Thanks."
Akavi starts to leave, then turns back. "Although- was there a tall, well-dressed male human with them?"
DM: She tilts her head, thinking. "I'm not sure... it was mainly a girl, but she brought two very strange Wildlings and a male human with her. Why?"
Akavi grins girlishly. "I think I travelled in with him. He's dreamy." With a self-deprecating little shrug, she waves and walks away.

Attacked at night:
Akavi: While we work out the rolls, I'll assume at this point that Akavi hasn't rested sufficiently to regain spells, right?
DM: That is correct. Also you are asleep.
Akavi: I know. SO DON'T WAKE ME UP, BY THE NINE HELLS!
Akavi: Except I want the xp... hmmmm.

The attackers turn out to be batfolk, which is exciting because no one knew batfolk existed before. The party takes them captive.
Lunos follows Glru, trying to help hoist the captives along. "I couldn't tell what they were thinking much, most of their thoughts were wrapped up in combat..."
Glru: "Glru could not tell what they were thinking either."
Lunos: "I was reading their thoughts... I don't quite think you were..."
Glru jostles the one in his left hand "This one was thinking 'throw pointy thing at large, good looking catfolk who was trying to sleep'. He jostles the one in his right hand. "This one was thinking 'let us make noise and wake up large, good looking catfolk who was trying to sleep'. Now they are both asleep. Glru reads stupid minds."

Glru points to ika "also, who is prettier, Glru or bunny?"
DM: The bat looks back and forth in bewilderment. "Neither?" he hazards.
Ika begins crying, softly, and wiping the tears away as quickly as possible.
DM: "Why bunny crying?" says the bat, bewildered.
Ika chokes her tears and looks to the bat. "You think *Glru* is as pretty as *me*!?"

The party decides to parlay with the batfolk leaders. Ika says they should return the attackers as a sign of good will, but the rest of the party disagrees.
Ika pouts. "Fine, fine. Leave them here. Go with no gifts of good will, sit in a swarm of angry bats, get broken on a wheel, and cooked in a crazy bat-oven that hangs from the ceiling... See if I care..."
About this Entry
sad - monkey
ada_hoffmann:
Jul. 8th, 2011 @ 07:06 pm Banter
Elisha: high born mage noble
Kammok: big, beefy half-orc mercenary
Parren: womanizing rogue
Rill: bloodthirsty little priestess who has a well-known thing for the big, beefy types

The party was about to go petition a royal court for military support.

Elisha: Bring your nicer clothes.The people we're going to see can be pretty focused on appearances.

Kammok: I don't think nice clothes will help.

Elisha: Clothes make the man! They're less likely to think of you as a violent brute if you're dressed well. Rill, help him pick out things he looks good in.

Rill: What? Why me? I'm no fashion expert.

Elisha: You're a woman. Surely you know what looks good on a man.

Rill: Uh, you DO realize that my idea of what looks good on Kammok is a thin layer of oil, right?

Parren: I'll wear oil for ya, babe.

Rill: Oh Parren, that's very thoughtful. That'll make it so much easier for me to set you on fire.
About this Entry
ragnarok
clawfoot:
Jun. 20th, 2011 @ 11:49 pm Them's Fightin' Words
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Sonata Arctica - Black Sheep

D&D 3.5, Mystara, medieval with early steampunk elements coming in

Denton (fighter/knight) = bad tempered former captain of the guard 
Medoren (fighter/mage) = red skinned half demon with expensive and crazy tastes in fun
Raciel (fighter) = caravan escort with british accent; very biased against Denton and Medoren due to their antics
Lockonis (rogue/mage) = half-elf ditz and pyromaniac

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In preparation to attack a hidden steampunk town

Lockonis: Oo! Where are we going? Where are we going?

Medoren: We're gonna go start a war.

Lockonis: Oo! Can I blow something up?

Medoren: Sure thing!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While exploring the halls of the steampunk factory, the group was split into 3 to cover more ground. Two of the groups were on opposite ends of a hallway, but could hear each other.

Raciel: (to his group) Is that a monster? No, wait, it sounded too dickish.... (to the other group) Is that you, Medoren?

Medoren: Yes!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the 3 groups meet up and merge, they find a room with a very annoyed enemy clerk. They press him for information, but he keeps being rude. Denton has a Gauntlet of Spears.

Denton: (makes a spear appear)

clerk: (to Medoren while pointing at Denton) Tell him to f*** off!

Medoren: (flatly) Denton, f*** off

Denton: That's not very nice!

Medoren: (sighs) Denton, please f*** off

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In another adventure, there was a spring-loaded trap door like an industrial-sized refrigerator one.

Medoren: (rips the door off of its hinges and stares at it for a moment)

Denton: Medoren?

Medoren: (suddenly smirks)

DM: What's that look for?

Medoren's PC: What's the damage on a fridge door?
About this Entry
Mandy floor blush
mandy_kota:
Apr. 23rd, 2011 @ 01:11 pm Just a Random One!
Current Mood: amusedamused
Tags:
 This was during a campaign this past term:

The situation was that they were fighting an half-orc and this is the conversation that happened:

Adrian, the Rogue: "You just got teabagged by a 40 foot scaly half-orc."
Toby, the Wizard: "Wait, I got a spell for that."
About this Entry
Disney: Esmeralda
ravenalegria13:
Apr. 2nd, 2011 @ 07:28 pm Santhil
Current Mood: amusedamused
D&D 3.5, homebrew, steampunk, furries. Played over IRC, with double parentheses for OOC. I can play in here, right?

The Party:
Akavi Morvaunt, changeling sorcerer.
Alexis Hase, rabbitfolk illusionist.
Glru Greatwrench, catfolk bodger.
Ika Yorri, rabbitfolk bard.
Lina Alexia, human healer.
Markas Tarmikos, squirrelfolk rogue.
Tobias Wellman, human fighter.

The party have been hired as guards on the world's first-ever cross-country passenger train ride. Many bigwigs of various types are riding, including a halfling businesswoman named Calthea Solak and her family. Unfortunately, things aren't going quite as planned.
DM: Calthea Solak's eyes widen. "Armed terrorists? What kind of a train ride is this?"
Akavi: "An inaugural one, ma'am. Rest assured, all the security team is extensively trained, and the threat is no longer a present one."
Ika: ((The cute, singing bunny is obviously the model of extensively trained security personnel.))
Alexis: ((The equally cute, extremely shy bunny is just a trainee.))
Tobias: ((Technically Tobias failed out of mercenary school, but he has a big sword and is really strong...))

Some oxfolk train robbers take the train's baggage, and the party chases 'em down.
Glru thumps on the door again. "Railroad Security. You are to be returning stollen baggage! Also, bull is getting heavy, would like to put him down. You will open door or Glru will open door!"
DM: "Am not surrendering!" the female oxfolk bellows back. "Baggage is symbol of imperialist oppressor!"
Glru blinks. "Must be good baggage."

Glru: ((So the oxen steal suitcases and get shot and zapped, but the rat that attacks our bunny gets sternly ordered to sit in the corner?))
Tobias: ((Yep XDD))
DM: ((Pretty much...))
Akavi: ((I like our baggage more than our bard. I'm at peace with how things turned out.))

Lina gets into a mode of intense spiritual joy when she heals things. Akavi has no such feelings and prefers to summon evil creatures to fight for him, which results in this:
Lina glides forward in the euphoria, and strokes the Lemure's tail gently even as it fights the swarm.
Akavi ((We appear to be under the misapprehension that I summoned something that wasn't the tortured incarnation of a soul consigned to burn in the nine hells for all eternity...))
Lina ((She's a little spacy right now.))

Akavi tries to look trustworthy.
Glru: ((Would that be a Disguise check or a Bluff check?))
Akavi: ((Perform (absurd lies) ))

Markas has a fear of spiders and hides when some giant spiders attack.
Akavi assumes a mocking tone and a fantastic impression of Markas's voice (disguise 32) "Sp- SPIDER! Waaaaaaah!"
DM: That is indeed a fantastic impression.
Markas: "Yep. That's a fantastic impressi-HEY! Why am I saying that?"
About this Entry
sad - monkey
ada_hoffmann:
Nov. 22nd, 2010 @ 08:44 pm Fireborn: Session 29
Continuing the tale of the Fireborn campaign, in which World War III is averted amidst gallows humor and animal transformations. (Previously.)

Cast of characters
Ivan Sergei - A burly pro wrestler and ex-Russian Mafia hitman, temporarily dead but walking around in his assassin's body. (Dragon self: Ba'harokk - one of the Mythic Era's most powerful mages.)
Maggie - A "street" paramedic, expert marksman, and the party's conscience. (Dragon self: Sabia - consummate empath, Ba'harokk's sister and the party's conscience.)
Kimiko - A Ryukage Clan ninja with a cover identity as a popular writer of spiritual self-help books. (Dragon self: Jaaros - legendary warrior and god-king of a huge Sparta-type civilization.)
Shane - Ex-SAS soldier who entered the priesthood to leave behind his troubled past. (Dragon self: Kiru - musician, mage, and progenitor of 50%+ of Japanese mythology.)

*************************

Due to a misunderstanding exacerbated by horrible dice rolls, Sergei has just exploded the head of the (friendly) American soldier that Kimiko's player RPed last session. The players have just realized this and are trying to verify their mistake amid Out-Of-Character joking:
GM (me): "Well, with a little light, you can check to see if they match their photo IDs."
Sergei's Player: "In one case, no, you can't."
GM: "... Er, um, he's at least the right height --"
Sergei's Player: "No he isn't! He's a head short."


Sergei's Player: "Hey S., what color were Deaderick's eyes? Blue. One blew that way and one blew the other way."
Kimiko's Player: ಠ_ಠ


They prepare for tactical insertion after a painful flashback and Sergei tries to lighten the mood:
Maggie: "Shane, I know you're not doing the priest thing any more, but ... could you bless me? It can't hurt."
Sergei: "Gesundheit."
Maggie: (wads up a piece of paper and throws it at him)


Kimiko neutralizes a guard by pinning his body to his post with an arrow. Kimiko and Sergei's players add in an OOC quip as fellow guards:
Guard 1: "Is Roberto doing OK up there?"
Guard 2: "Yeah, he's hanging around."


Kimiko transforms into a cockroach in order to enter the secure underground facility:
GM: "Alright, you start chewing through the screen. It tastes ... metallic, I guess?"
Sergei's player: "It would taste dusty. I licked a screen once."
GM: "I ... uh, stand corrected?"
Maggie's player: "Seriously, Bax? Who HASN'T licked a screen?"
GM: "When did this turn into a game of 'I Never'?"


Shane: "Kimiko, that is one TACTICAL cockroach."


Cockroach!Kimiko: kkk kk-kkk kk eeeEEEEEEEeeeee!! (pantomimes bug motions)
GM: "... Dammit, S., that's the best roleplaying I've ever seen out of a cockroach."


Later, as Ferret!Maggie slips into a weapons crate only to have a guard pick it up:
Ferret!Maggie's Player: "Alright, Shane, get ready to MAUL FACES."
Fox!Shane's Player: (nods, distracted)
Ferret!Maggie: "EEEEEEEEEEE CLAWS!"
Fox!Shane's Player: (Spit take)


Kimiko powers up and charges at the rubble blocking the bunker door:
GM: "Alright. Roll to Kool-Aid Man."


Fighting a Taint-spawned junk elemental:
Kimiko: "Punch it in the fire extinguisher!"


GM: "How is it that, in a game specifically set in London, no two of you are from the same country? You guys are like a four-man U.N."
Kimiko's Player: "The U.N.?! We're Captain America's planet-saving f---ing Captain Planet task force!"
Everyone: "..."
Sergei's Player: "Game quote!"


Bonus quotes: Slightly NSFW quips about zombies added to the campaign quotes page.
About this Entry
fireborn eye
baxil:
Nov. 1st, 2010 @ 09:18 pm Fireborn: Sessions 24-27
Hi, everyone! Figured I'd jump right in with some recent quotes from the game I run. Fireborn is about dragons who have reincarnated into mortal bodies and finally reawoken in modern-age London; my campaign has advanced almost to the game's equivalent of Epic Level, so the players are virtually superheroes, dealing with appropriately over-the-top problems (this week they're preventing WWIII).

Cast of characters
Ivan Sergei - A burly pro wrestler and ex-Russian Mafia hitman, temporarily dead but walking around in his assassin's body. (Dragon self: Ba'harokk - one of the Mythic Era's most powerful mages.)
Maggie - A "street" paramedic, expert marksman, and the party's conscience. (Dragon self: Sabia - consummate empath, Ba'harokk's sister and the party's conscience.)
Kimiko - A Ryukage Clan ninja with a cover identity as a popular writer of spiritual self-help books. (Dragon self: Jaaros - legendary warrior and god-king of a huge Sparta-type civilization.)
Shane - Ex-SAS soldier who entered the priesthood to leave behind his troubled past. (Dragon self: Kiru - musician, mage, and progenitor of 50%+ of Japanese mythology.)

*************************

Kimiko: "How far do we trust them?"
Sergei: "About as far as I can throw them. But I can throw them a fair distance."


As one of the NPCs bugs them while the party communicates over their shared mental link:
Maggie: "Give us a minute. We're thinking."
Shane: "Actually, we're having non-committal eye contact."


Kimiko: "Well, that means one of two things. A, he's telling the truth. B, he's lying."
Everyone Else: "..."


During a phone conversation with Anagorais, the dragons' former pet and current super-powerful frenemy:
Maggie: "I'll call her back." (dials) "Hello? I'm sorry. Ba'harokk stabbed the phone."


After that same call:
Kimiko's player: "AAARGH! Hasn't she learned ANYTHING from our thousands of years of training?!"
GM (me): "She did learn SOMETHING! She's at least asking your permission before she takes over the world."


As Jaaros breaks a dagger in half with his bare hand:
Ba'harokk: "Way to ... make a point."


(Discussing an airport guard who is very unsubtly fishing for a bribe to expedite some paperwork.)
GM, to Maggie's player: "He's definitely distracted by your womanliness, but that's not what he's looking for --"
Sergei's player: "Okay, I take my shirt off."
GM: *facepalm*


Bonus quotes: A whole page of them, on our game wiki. Here's the most epic, back from session 15:

Phone next to gaming table: *ring*
Bax: (In character, British accent) "International House of Fashion, dragon division ... ... Oh! Hi dad."
About this Entry
geekier than thou
baxil:
Jul. 27th, 2010 @ 11:06 pm Exalted game, Lunars and low compassion scores
Current Mood: amusedamused
GM: Well, the other two parties members are still kinda missing, not to mention the town is kinda slowly becoming zombies...
PC1: Well, if we keep going, the other two will mysteriously show up. And there's not much we can do about the zombies at this stage.
GM: ...what's everyone's compassion scores?
PC1: 2.
PC2: 1.
PC3: ...1.
GM: ....::sigh::
About this Entry
rian_al:
Jun. 5th, 2010 @ 01:49 am D&D 3.5, Mystara World
Theodore: Extremely cowardly Dwarven cleric of Pelor.
Raciel (played by the DM): Human polearm fighter; hates working with Medoren & Denton
Medoren: Red-skinned half-demon fighter/mage; merc guild co-leader w/Denton
Denton (played by the DM): Former captain of the Karameikan army; merc guild co-leader w/ Medoren
Usagi: Rabbit anthro monk

***************

On the continent of Skothar, we manage to accrue alot of enemies: A black great wyrm dragon to the west, the IMF (futuristic warriors) to our north, possible hostile pirates to our east, and ocean to our south.

Theodore: We're right in the middle of a big hate pie!!
Raciel: And we're all about to take a big bite, aren't we?

~~~~~~~~

While playing with the Deck of Many Things, Usagi draws the Ruin card and loses all his stuff-- including his clothes!

Usagi: Ah! (covers himself and blushes)
Denton: Oh, don't freak out! It happens... (throws Usagi some spare clothing) Besides, you've got nothing any of us haven't seen before.
Usagi: (runs behind a tree to get dressed)
DM: What color is Usagi's hair? Is it white?
Usagi's PC: No, it's blond. Remember? I said he has blond hair & blue eyes. It's his rabbit ears & tail that are white.
DM: Oh right! The Nazi rabbit monk! (laughs) I was gonna have Denton say something funny.
Usagi's PC: What was he gonna say?
DM: "Huh! He's a cotton-ball there too!"
About this Entry
DnD Mandy
mandy_kota:
May. 31st, 2010 @ 02:34 pm (no subject)
From a Call of Cthulhu game I am running.
"Can I make an Idea roll to see if my character makes the connection that everyone had something to do with [a certain 30-year old crime]?" I let him make the roll, which he fails. "Stupid character sheet!"

From 4e D&D.
The character in question is a worshiper of The Blood of Vol, which believes divinity comes from the perfection of self. Many of the PCs were praying to their gods, so the player speaks up "Can I pray to myself?"
About this Entry
Land Shark
kesnit:
May. 30th, 2010 @ 12:41 am (no subject)
Context: Rowan is a tiefling who was raised by his rather insane mother, in the wild. As a result, he's very intelligent, but has almost no context for "normal" things, and doesn't know much about the old races of the world, or much in the way of metaphor. Amaya is a human paladin in a homebrew setting where all gods can have paladins; she and Kaylin, a Beguiler, are evil followers of a demon lord, while Rowan is with them because he likes them, doesn't know what to think of the demon lord, and is a strong True Neutral.

Upon finding a structure that seems to have been of dwarvish construction, according to Amaya:
Rowan: What's a dwarf?
Amaya: They're children of the mountains.
Rowan: Mountains have children?
Amaya: They're children of the mountains the same way you're a child of the wild.
Rowan: ...I'm a child of the female.
About this Entry
Quotes: Brains
rebootfromstart:
May. 4th, 2010 @ 03:51 am Shadow Theory
D20 Modern supernatural apocalyptic horror. Essentially a Call of Cthulhu-influenced zombiepocalypse.

Cast
Fox Thompson: Cop, fast hero.
Terrence Patrick: Student, smart/strong hero, aiming for Occultist.
Dr. Kazumi Nobuko: ER Doctor, dedicated hero.
Marna O'brian: Mechanic, smart/tough hero.

Fox: “Terrence you want to stay in the back with the Doc, while I ride shotgun with the shotgun.”

The group is in the mall trying to pull down the cage in the storefront while being attacked by four zombies, who are busting through the front glass. Kazumi, the doctor with absolutely no combat capabilities whatsoever and who has mostly sat back during battles and has actually yet to make an attack roll the entire campaign says "screw this" and grabs a Winchester rifle, takes aim at the biggest, toughest zombie, and fires. She suffers a -4 penalty on her attack roll because she is not proficient with firearms, an additional -4 penalty because the zombie is in melee with Fox, and the monster gains a +4 cover bonus to Defense from Fox. Somehow, she succeeds, and scores a solid 9 damage hit on the zombie in the Tapout shirt.
Terrence and Fox, simultaneously: "AAAAAAAAHHH! Do NOT shoot at us like that!"
Kazumi: *Jaw drops* "I... I just can't win with you people, can I?"

After pushing a monster into the light and watching it smolder, Marna continues to beat it with a wrench.
Marna (OOC): "How's it lookin' by now?"
DM: "Marna has crushed its corpse until it's snortable."
Terrence (OOC): "Man, good thing Ozzy isn't here." Does an Ozzy Osbourn impression. "It's like I snorted pure evil, man. It goes straight into your brain, It's like, it's like I'm the motherf**** Prince of Darkness."

Group is rigged up in patchwork leather tactical units cobbled together from the sporting goods store, wielding blood-spattered baseball bats and hunting rifles.
Marna, looking at the rest of the group: "So, ready to go to Sears?"
DM: "Imagining that line and that image hurts my brain."

The group is planning on capturing a zombie and autopsying it, and tries to find a small area with only a single zombie. The group approaches a small flower shop and the radio begins to emit static, indicating the presence of a supernatural monster.
Fox: "Oh good, there's one in there.... I can't believe I just said that."

The group autopsies the monster, then discards its body outside the ambulance in which they are staying. When night falls, green lightning shoots across the sky. The zombie soon comes around the front of the ambulance and busts through the passenger window and attacks Terrence.
Terrence (Calmly): "It got back up."
Fox (Tired of the zombie): "Marna, just run it over, like, 100 times. Just smash it."
They do.
Fox: "Aaah, I can feel my PTSD just melting away...."

Terrence and Fox split off and discuss the situation. Decide that the other two are crazy. Marna hums irish tunes while zombies shriek in the night and Kazumi compartmentalizes like a psychopath. They womanize the issue.
Terrence: "Maybe it's a woman thing."
DM: “They don’t hear the monsters screaming because of all of the estrogen in their ears!”

Fox: “Do you think your life insurance ends when you become a zombie?”
Terrence: “I think your premium goes up a lot.”

The group decides to go to the Miskatonic library to gather information about what is happening. Standing outside.
Fox: "Okay, so Terrence, where would these books be?"
Terrence: "In the basement."
Fox: "Seriously?"
Terrence: "The librarians had a sick sense of humor."

They stand outside the door when they hear a woman-like scream from inside. They discuss tactics.
Fox: "Ready to go when you are."
Group nods to each other.
Fox: "Wait."
Silence. Group stares at him for several seconds.
Fox: "If it was prophesied here, in Miskatonic, wouldn't this be, like, the WORST place to be? What if it started here? What if freakin' El Diablo is in the basement with those books?"
Terrence: "........................ You have a point. But the radios aren't going off."
Fox: "Point. Let's go."

Group encounters a zombie that screams and cries in the library.
Fox (OOC): "Were you the one making all the noise in here? Can you please use your inside voice?"
About this Entry
GLaDOS
mangy_mathan:
Apr. 19th, 2010 @ 09:45 pm Exalted quotes

In this ongoing campaign we play a circle of Solars in White Wolf's Exalted, who have only failed to crack Creation like an egg through sheer luck.

The characters:
Husk - charismatic and narrowly-focused cult leader, slowly working his way through the beddable women of the continent.
Pitr - ascetic gentleman scientist, full of answers to problems that don't need solving.
Kai - travel-stained wandering warrior monk, talks to animals and also smells like them.
Raglan - silver-tongued diplomat and negotiator, spends her time convincing people the things we break are better off broken.
Ariweith - vengeful warrior woman whose grudge against Abyssal Exalted comes second only to her grudge against Husk.

The quotes:Collapse )

About this Entry
moon
harry_whodunnit:
Apr. 12th, 2010 @ 06:51 pm The Silverymoon Sentinels
The Cast
  • Cedric, Catfolk Cleric of Selune, homosexual partner of Casper
  • Casper, Human Wizard, homosexual partner of Cedric
  • Veerle, Human Paladin of Freedom, raised by dwarves
  • Dirk, Desert Kobold Warlock, best friend of Sylvy
  • Sylvy, Desert Kobold Rogue, best friend of Dirk
Dirk, discussing previous encounters with humanoids with Sylvy: “I've never been chased with a torch before.”

Dirk, pondering current encounter with halfling: “I really hope he doesn't have a torch.”

Party discussing casting an invocation in the middle of town to pose for a painting, despite Dirk wanting to keep his warlock abilities secret.
Dirk: “How bad could it be?”
Neera, NPC artist: “That's the spirit!”

Discussing each character's ability to contribute to the upcoming adventure.
Sylvy: “I like sneaking around.”
Casper: “..... that's admirable.”

About a kobold's ability to eat nearly anything, but preferring rations to dirt and bark.
Veerle: Not eating dirt, that's a good goal.

Dirk's Player grabs Walter, the DM's cat, and makes a Boom/Zap sound. Notices everyone staring at him: “That was out of character, by the way.”

After Veerle speaks of being raised by dwarves
Dirk: “It's like that guy who was raised by wolves!”
Casper: “Dances with Dwarves?”

Veerle: “Well, if there's any more problems I'd be happy to lend my ass.”
Everyone: “...”
Veerle: “Axe.”
Cedric: “You know I'm gay, right?”

Neera, talking about how mean Casper looks in a painting: “Since mages are so stuck up all the time, I figure I could sell it to the Lady's College because they wouldn't mind someone being upset on the wall.”

Casper (OOC): “Casper and Cedric already hooked up a long time ago. You'll just have to wait your turn.”
Dirk (OOC): “That's fine. I'll just have Veerle lend me her ass.”
Veerle (OOC): Damn it! I said AXE!"
About this Entry
WTF Owl
mangy_mathan:
Mar. 25th, 2010 @ 12:02 pm Superheroes!
Scene: Philadelphia. The superteam Freedomstrike, currently being funded by the rich mad scientist of the team (just funded, not led in fights, as said mad scientist is self described as having 'the battle instincts of a Pomeranian: something annoys me, I focus on it, and forget pretty much everything else until someone yanks the leash'.) however, there are times when money-rank is pulled.

Dr. Takashima: "You are going to get dressed up in a tuxedo, with your mask on, and you are going to go to the opera tonight, for opening night, for the press to see."
Eternal: "Why? What possible reason do I have for listening to you?"
Dr. Takashima: "I pay your salary, your insurance, and I paid for that lawsuit against you. Your contract with the team says that those are covered by the underwriter, which is me. Do you want me to give you the bill?"
Eternal: "...which opera is it again?"


Beware the power of mystical books:

"You were reading from a photocopy of the Necronomicon and didn't make sure you were warded against compulsions... and it compelled you to move your lips when you read? And you summoned a demon That possessed my newly-baked batch of brownies?!"


Beware the power of immortality:
Eternal: "What opera is it, anyway?"
Dr. Takashima: "La Traviata."
Eternal: "Really! I knew the woman that Violetta was based on." *smirk*
Dr. Takashima: "Please don't regale us with another story of a woman you slept with. The entire 'Annie Got My Gun, Yes She Did' story kept us all awake in terror."
About this Entry
in brightest day...
mephron:
Feb. 15th, 2010 @ 10:42 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: nerdy
Party consisting of 2 Chaotic Neutral rogues (Andy's a halfling, mine an elf) and a fighter, 5th-level. My character, Drusilia, decides to pick the pocket of some smug rich git who happens to be there.

Drusilia: I'm going to attempt to pick his pocket. [fails Sleight of Hand check]
A sword is put to her throat. Rich git: You might want to be putting your hand somewhere else, lady.
Drusilia: What, like IN YOUR GOB???
[full-scale pub brawl ensues]
About this Entry
kittens
catmint_1984:
Feb. 14th, 2010 @ 09:58 pm (no subject)
After an entire night of spectacularly bad die rolls... Three 1's on perception checks while my rogue was supposed to be on guard duty for starters... The party leader says, we need you to go scout out the remains of the smoldering city that might have a black dragon in it. As the rest of the party waits in the treeline at the edge of town....

*Sound of building collapsing*
*Dragon Roar!*
*Sound of running halfling*
Raina: pleasedonteatmepleasedonteatmepleasedonteatmepleasedonteatme!
Warder(new to party): What's her sense of direction like? Maybe she'll run back to... not us.
About this Entry
responsible
nelle816:
Jan. 3rd, 2010 @ 01:58 am On my second insanely low attack roll
DM: You're about to find out if it's actually possible to die of shame...
About this Entry
Aly talks to crows tree
fisher_queen:
Dec. 21st, 2009 @ 12:05 pm (no subject)
Anarch Malkavian : "So the enemy of the enemy of my friends enemy makes him what?"

Undercover Serpent of the light: "A Dick, But one that's not our problem."
About this Entry
ohrly?
monkeyfetus:
Dec. 21st, 2009 @ 03:16 am (no subject)
Current Mood: amusedamused
Paladin Player to DM: You told me halflings were french and most had syphilis. I INFERRED!
About this Entry
Aly talks to crows tree
fisher_queen:
Dec. 20th, 2009 @ 03:34 pm From our LotR game...
"Gandalf has many names. 'Olirin', 'Mithrandir'..."

"But he doesn't talk about 'lonelywizard69' so much."
About this Entry
gaming
lederhosen:
Dec. 17th, 2009 @ 10:19 pm From quite some time ago...
Current Mood: geeky
DM: He stabs Tarian [my character] in the ribs.

Sam (as Morock): Can I freeze his nuts off?

DM (checks sources): It'll kill him...

Sam: I'm TOTALLY freezing his nuts off!  

About this Entry
doll_kat
catmint_1984:
Nov. 13th, 2009 @ 06:10 pm (no subject)
LEGEND: Killian & Wally = twin brothers, mercenaries, war orphans, raised by goblins / Turk = embittered, ambitious warlock with a penchant for necromancy / Dulcimer = mildly clueless elf from the wrong side of the war / Elliura = tough as nails brothel bouncer / Cyril = a wreck of a man: misogynist, drunkard, addict and... priest?

DM: "Uhhh, are you going to do anything about the Emperor's Leg? He's bleeding to death."
Turk:"I can stop his circulation with Clutch of Orcus."

*after witnessing a horrific event*
Killian: *shakily* "H-hey, do you want a cigar?"
Turk: *gives Killian a withering look* "... that was in your mouth."

Cyril: "You look like you've seen a ghost."
Turk: "I look like I've seen a trap door."

Killian: "Gee Turkey, your people sure seem to own a lot of brothels."
Cyril: "It is a known fact that women of the southern extremities enjoy more sexual encounters more often than other women."
Turk: "Yeah, that's our marketing strategy."
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D&D - Necrophilia
cephiedvariable:
Nov. 7th, 2009 @ 04:10 pm (no subject)
LEGEND: Killian & Wally = twin brothers, mercenaries, war orphans, raised by goblins / Turk = embittered, ambitious warlock with a penchant for necromancy / Dulcimer = mildly clueless elf from the wrong side of the war / Elliura = tough as nails brothel bouncer / Cyril = a wreck of a man: misogynist, drunkard, addict and... priest?

Killian: "Okay. Vermillion Edge guild meetin' time. First order of business.... ah, what does Vermillion mean?"
Cyril: "It's a fancy way of saying red."
Wally: "Cause sayin' red edge sounds like yer cuttin' a girl on her cycle."
Cyril: ".... I've done that before."

Wally: "He's a shrink."
Killian: "Y'mean he's real small?"
Wally: "No, no. He goes inside yer head."
Killian: "... OH MY GOD!"
Wally: "Not literally you moron."
About this Entry
D&D - Necrophilia
cephiedvariable:
Oct. 20th, 2009 @ 11:20 pm (no subject)
In my Illumian campaign, the only widely-known dragons are the metallic ones. Cue the PCs meeting someone who knows about Chromatics...

Skirruk (Wilder with the mind of an eight-year-old): Oooh, the lady says that there are Green dragons! And they breathe acid on people!
Gauchel (Wu Jen big-brother-type): That doesn't sound right. Are you sure they're not Copper dragons that have been left near the ocean for too long?
About this Entry
Quotes: Brains
rebootfromstart:
Oct. 10th, 2009 @ 09:40 pm (no subject)
I'm running a D&D game wherein the PCs are all Illumians (basically, a mystical race of humanoids that are the embodiment of the Illumian language. They're a young race; they have gods who are younger than elves.) who, at the start of the game, have never left the cloister that their group of Illumians lives in. At one point, they have to go to a city of elves, where they notice that the population is overwhelmingly female, with the only males being teenagers and younger, or elders.

Ruthtaloth (the scholarly, arcane-magic-wielding Archivist): Well, obviously elves are male until they reach adulthood, when they turn female and stay that way until after their childbearing years. Like frogs! (To the GM) Can I check my books to see if elves are descended from frogs?
About this Entry
Quotes: Brains
rebootfromstart:
Oct. 7th, 2009 @ 09:29 am Just found some old Quotes
Was cleaning up my personal game files, found these.

(from a Little Fears game)

Jake: "Sausage is one of the great, great... I like sausage."

Jake: "If you can't choke a kid in your back yard, this isn't America."

Jake: "Choking is good - kids are vulnerable to choking."

John: "Wow, imaginary Steve is a lot smarter than regular Steve"

Jake: "Hey don't waste that W - there's kids in China with no Ws"

Jake: "You should throw up in your mouth a little, like Grandpa does, every time he sees you."
About this Entry
DrG Don't know me
phasmaphobic:
Oct. 5th, 2009 @ 02:52 pm (no subject)
LEGEND: Killian & Wally = twin brothers, mercenaries, war orphans, raised by goblins / Turk = embittered, ambitious warlock with a penchant for necromancy / Dulcimer = mildly clueless elf from the wrong side of the war / Elliura = tough as nails brothel bouncer / Cyril = a wreck of a man: misogynist, drunkard, addict and... priest?

BACK. WITH A BRAND NEW (STEAMPUNK) SESSION. A-and... I'm the DM? :O

NPC: "Are you saying there's a traitor in our midst?"
Killian: *screws up his face* "Maybe a... collaborator? W-wait, a commabilator? A... comlaborador?" *looks to his brother for help*
Wally: *proudly* " A Combubulator!"
Killian: "Yeah! A guy workin' for the bad guy!"
NPC: "... you had it right the first time."

Wally: "We need a name fer this here company."
Killian: "Well, We're gon' be known for two things. Being awesome..."
Turk: *dryly* "And fucking up?"
Killian: "... and being AWESOME."
Wally: *brightly* "The Fantastic Fuck Ups?"

Killian: "Rule of Goblin Aquisition 3.12- never interrupt a man while he is lying. Wait till he finished, that way you know the whole lie."

Cyril: "You better get out of here or you'll get the good ol' 'coup de gracie'."

And two from this summer's abortive campaign...

"I'm going to COOP DE GRAAASSS this."
"It's GRACE. Speak English!" *

"I can't get over there! There's two spaces and a dime between us!"

* Maybe it's only because we're Canadian and all grew up speaking French that intentionally mispronouncing "coup de grace" is, like, the most hilarious thing ever.
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D&D - Necrophilia
cephiedvariable:
Sep. 29th, 2009 @ 10:42 pm Ongoing Exalted campaign

Characters:

Husk - charismatic and narrowly-focused cult leader, slowly working his way through the beddable women of the continent.
Pitr - ascetic gentleman scientist, full of answers to problems that don't need solving.
Kai - travel-stained wandering warrior monk, talks to animals and also smells like them.
Raglan - silver-tongued diplomat and negotiator, spends her time convincing people the things we break are better off broken.

The circle says goodbye to Excelsior, who is made unwelcome in their home city after he accidentally butchers a wealthy merchant and his dozen-strong bodyguard during a disagreement over the ownership of a boat, then wrecks the same boat on a rocky shore. They're joined by Arameir, a hot-tempered flying woman. If anything, she's MORE likely to stab people to death and then ask the questions, but at least she's pickier about who she stabs.

The quotesCollapse )

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moon
harry_whodunnit:
Aug. 10th, 2009 @ 08:22 pm 4e quotes
Umbo the Halfling
"I never wanted to be nothin' but a good ole' halfling, no sir. But for her, ah Yondalla forgive me, I could take being an elf for a night or three."
Graveyards and mysterious women tended to be a bad combination.  Er, at least Umbo would guess it’d be a bad combination.
Umbo nestles himself next to some rock as though it were his spouse of 20 years and his toes were cold.
"What?  No 'Oh, Umbo, I thought we'd lost you!', or 'Oh, Umbo, how heroic!', or even an 'Oh Umbo, you look even more handsome with glue pasting down your hair!'?"

Morus the Dwarf
"Get your own damn bacon."
He wasn't sure what they should do, as burying the horse is grossly inconvenient and eating it would be disrespectful.
With enough alcohol in his veins now to inebriate a human cavalry unit and their mounts, he wasn't really caring at this point about legalities.

Garren, the wizard son of a famous adventurer
"Umbo and the Skulls...you know, the Halfling and the Pile of, not the popular Orcish Country and Western Death Rock Band.

Conversations
Douven Monteray: "Aha. If I didn't know better, I'd say you didn't think your old man was capable! Haven't I ever told you about the time that I bested the Six-armed Scourge of the Criminoor? Or the Beholder Lord within the confines of Castle Blackwilt?"
Garren Monteray: "I'm just speaking sense, not even the Seven-headed Munchkin of Magipoor, or whatever, would head out into a storm like that when he could wait snug and warm until it blew over. Father....father?"

Umbo: "We're rappelling down a sinister-looking hole in a desecrated keep, filled with monstrosities from a shadow-realm in order to stop Orcus himself from ripping his way through the fabric between worlds and slaughtering us all."
Garren: "Yeah, uh, this sort of thing happens everytime we go anywhere with my dad."

Garren: "You forget that we have Bahamut on our side!"
Morus: "I think it'd help more if Bahamut were actually here, laddie."

(After Umbo steals a magical dagger and notices the commotion left behind in his wake.)
Umbo: "Do you think we should go back to the town?  To help that merchant catch that thief?  I'm pretty good at investigating that kind of stuff, you know.  I'm always glad to lend a hand where I can!"
Garren: "I'm sure that Bahamut will punish the thief, whoever he is, in time. Quite horribly."
Umbo: "I certainly hope so. Perhaps that thief will find himself face to face with an evil sorceress babe. That'd certainly fix his wagon."
About this Entry
Goggles
revlemming:
Jul. 28th, 2009 @ 03:28 pm Exalted game
Characters:

Excelsior - strict and impatient warrior type, never happy unless he's smiting evil.
Husk - charismatic and narrowly-focused cult leader, slowly working his way through the beddable women of the continent.
Pitr - ascetic gentleman scientist, full of answers to problems that don't need solving.
Kai - travel-stained wandering warrior monk, talks to animals and also smells like them.
Raglan - silver-tongued diplomat and negotiator, spends her time convincing people the things we break are better off broken.

The quotes:

The team have just infiltrated an underground temple run by a death-cult intent on sacrificing a young woman to expand the aura of darkness which is slowly but surely corrupting the surrounding area. Husk's character skills fall heavily on the social side.

Excelsior: "They're making a virgin sacrifice! Diabolical!"
Husk: "Hey, I know that girl."
Excelsior: "They're making a human sacrifice! Diabolical!"

Husk uses a charm to calm the frightened sacrificial victim. She's now a little TOO relaxed.

Pitr: "...Did he just slip her a magical roofie?"
GM: "Sorry Husk, there's only room for one on the altar."

More under the cutCollapse )
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moon
harry_whodunnit:
Jul. 23rd, 2009 @ 02:34 pm Changeling/Unknown Armies again!
It's been a while and being the lazy sort that I am, I didn't get around to posting for months. This means that I have a huge pile of quotes from our long-running game.

The party:
* A Mechanomancer (for science!)
Four Changelings: (AKA the irresponsible louts)
* Fairest (the hot chick)
* Beast (hueg jovial wolf)
* Beast (perceptive hawk)
* Selkie (likes water)

Past members referenced:
* A Masterless Man (leather-wearing action hero, went back in time to fight at the Alamo)
* An Epideromancer (secret leader of a suicide cult, now dead but not resting)
* A Japanese Tourist (obsessed with young girls, subsequently eaten by a goblin)

Mostly devoid of context!Collapse )
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Final Fantasy V
hyperspace:
Jul. 20th, 2009 @ 12:59 am creative oaths
Current Mood: amusedamused
How our resident archer (Fieryla) declared which enemy she was swearing her Oathbow towards:

A huge red dragon swoops down towards us, roaring and breathing fire.

Fieryla: "Oh S***!!!"

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curious_puzzle:
Jul. 1st, 2009 @ 01:38 am D&D 3.5 using Mystara campaign setting

Medoren: Red-skinned half-demon fighter/mage. Loves cleaving and grappling while hasted.
Ted: Half-orc barbarian. Speaks broken Common
Kitsune: Space-vulperian (fox girl) bard. LOL Goofy & scantily clad.

~~~~~~~~~~

After killing an orc, 2 more advance on Medoren.

Medoren: (smiles) THAT'S FINE! I HAVE SOMETHING TO CLEAVE NOW!

~~~~~~~~

Kitsune's PC: What makes you think they need morale checks?
Ted's PC: (Medoren) is standing in entrails and the other 2 bad guys are beating themselves!

~~~~~~~~

The group was planning who to send to the titan tyrant, Belius with a mini-tribute to get him off their back for a bit.

Ted: (points to Kitsune) Send Fuzzy. Less intimidating.
Kitsune: I SMUSH EASILY!

~~~~~~~~
Medoren: (to an ogre mage demanding they come with him) Although duly noted, I don't care.
About this Entry
DnD Mandy
mandy_kota:
Jun. 25th, 2009 @ 06:30 am Monkfusion
Friend: But who on my team is Earth affinity?
Me: I think... it's the Wind Mage...
*checks*
Me: No, it's the monk.
Friend: You?
Me: Me?
Friend: My monk.
Me: No. THE monk. I'm not your monk.
Friend: Okay.
Me: Sio is the monk.
Friend: Healer?
Me: No, the monk.
About this Entry
Snap!
mangy_mathan:
Apr. 30th, 2009 @ 02:23 am Spontaneous Dance Party
During the planning phase of a game, in which no one seemed to want to play a healer.

DM: Did I gimp divine casters with the Spontaneous Casting? Because having a campaign about two waring religions and not having a cleric kinda takes a lot of oomph out of it.
Player A: The problem, you see, is that your campaign clearly revolves around the divine, and Dungeons and Dragons players are by nature rugged, sexy, staunch individualists who flip the bird at The System whenever possible.
Player B: ♫ I'm, too sexy for your gods, too sexy for your gods, too sexy yeeeaaahhh... ♫
About this Entry
Rock God
mangy_mathan:
Apr. 19th, 2009 @ 08:56 pm 4th ed D&D
Currently playing in a 4ed Module and the game has been on hold for a bit, but we had a session and I thought I'd share a little, unfortunately it did turn somewhat adult in nature, so I am not sure whether its ok to post or not, but I thought this bit would do for my first contribution.

Out of combat, party has gone back to camp for an extended rest and to level up.
Fighter (8 int): *After a rather brutal encounter* "What's the first rule of Combat?"
Starlock: "Don't talk about combat!"
Fighter: *glares at the Starlock* "stupid squishy!"
About this Entry
Pentagram and Roses
jslr:
Apr. 17th, 2009 @ 10:27 am God Save the Commoners
And an additional, contextless quote for your amusement.

You're shopping for faces? The face-shifting monk and the corpse-raising wizard are going to invent new levels of creepy together, I can tell.
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Lycanthrope
mangy_mathan:
Apr. 17th, 2009 @ 03:46 pm Unknown Armies/Changeling Hybrid
The following lines were uttered:

"It's so stupid there's no way it can fail!"

"Wolf man disguised as the Incredible Hulk fights an Autobot."

"In one week we pissed off Torchwood, Optimus Prime and God."

Context will be given if requested. :D
About this Entry
Final Fantasy V
hyperspace:
Apr. 16th, 2009 @ 10:54 pm Level 1 Lingo
After some first level followers ran off into the woods to escape a battle we found ourselves in, where they were quickly butchered by other demons waiting in the shadows. We discuss the situation.

Me: Ideally, they would have interpreted 'Get back!' as 'stay out of melee range of the monsters but close enough we can still protect you.' Though to a non-adventurer mind, 'Get back' apparently means 'run into the woods screaming like a schoolgirl, never to be seen again.'
Lochar: You weren't reading the non-adventurer's translation book closely enough. It's not 'Get back!', it's 'Stand back!' Stand back means watch me do some cool ****. Get back means flee because the **** is about to hit the fan.
About this Entry
So Hood
mangy_mathan:
Apr. 2nd, 2009 @ 10:50 pm From a Mystara campaign continuing in 3.5...

Legend:

Denton (fighter/knight) = bad tempered former captain of the guard 
Medoren (fighter/mage) = red skinned half demon with expensive and crazy tastes in fun 
Mandy (fighter/mage) = vulperian (fox anthro) woman who acts as moral council when Denton & Medoren get out of hand; also Kitsune's friend and Masamune's wife
Kitsune (bard) = teeny-bopper space vulperian with a tendancy to get KO'd in battle
Raciel (fighter) = caravan escort with british accent; very biased against Denton and Medoren due to their antics
Masamune (epic fighter/mage) Defender of the planet of Mystara and Mandy's husband.

~~~~~

Raciel: (to Denton and Medoren) Why don't you find a job for yourselves?

Medoren (OOC): Because I don't want the DM to have to split this adventure.

~~~~~

Denton: This entire situation reeks of suck!

~~~~~

Denton: (to Medoren) If we beat (Kitsune) on her land, it's assault. If we do it here, it's a learning experience.

~~~~~

Masamune: I'm here to make sure tommorrow doesn't happen.

~~~~~
(Due to Mandy being a Fighter 3/Wizard 3, but rarely using magic)

Denton: OK, we're gonna need to split up into groups. How many mages have we got?

(Mandy and Medoren raise their hands)

Denton: (to Mandy) What?? Since when are YOU a mage?

Mandy: Been a mage for a while now! Why do you think I've been out studying for days on end recently?

Medoren: (whispering to Kitsune) I just assumed she was at Masamune's castle, on the couch eating cherries all day.

Kitsune: *snickers*

~~~~~~

(Denton and Kitsune argue about the proper name for Medoren's new steam engine motorcycle)

Kitsune: It's a motorcyle!

Denton: It's a damn steam engine!

Kitsune: Steam cycle!

Denton: Steam engine!

Kitsune: Motor bike!

Denton: Motor bike sounds retarded! It's a steam engine!

(Masamune suddenly appears)

Masamune: MEDOREN!! Where the fuck did you get a gahdamn motorcycle?

Kitsune: (points in Denton's face) HA!
About this Entry
DnD Mandy
mandy_kota:
Mar. 15th, 2009 @ 09:45 pm (no subject)
Legend: Isaac = Vain Warlock, Pampered Prince / Feliks = stodgy Knight & Werewolf, gay for Isaac / El Tempesta = Heroic Masked Monk Man of Love / Barnabas = Dwarven Bard-Rogue, plays a squeezbox who is, I should mention one of these days, me *points to icon* / Tealanna = Beautiful Archivist, Book Nerd / Dante = Shapeshifting Mage, actually a Changeling

*discussing the possibility of there being a monster in a wishing well*
El Tempesta: "I'm going to go down there and kick it's ass!"
Feliks: ".... what if it's a little girl?"
El Tempesta: "I'll... bring it back... up here?"
Barnabas: "Then Isaac can kick ae's ass- th' way it'll be a fair figh'!"

*so we start throwing silver in the well and make silly wishes*
Tealanna: "I wish... for an apple." *one appears in her hand*
Barnabas: "I wish me pipe nere ran out o' tabacco!" *his pipe refills*
El Tempesta (OOC): "I wish for a bonus feat?"
Feliks: *whispers* "I wish... for a bird to excrete on Barnabas' head."
*it happens*
Barnabas: "Ack! Puckernuts! Of all th' bad luck-"
*Feliks grins grins grins*

*a Dragon Tealanna accidentally stole a Staff of Power comes looking for us in the Inn. She demands everyone cowers and we do so. Except for-*
Dragon: *points at Dante* "You! Why aren't you on your knees!?"
Dante: *dismissively, examining fingernails* "I don't grovel."

*Isaac gets tortured. It's pretty brutal*
Isaac (OOC): "I think I'll keep some of the scars."
Feliks (OOC: "NOT THE ONES ON YOUR PENIS!!!!!!!!" *WAVES ARMS*
Everyone: "..........."

*everyone comes to see Isaac at the cleric's. He's burnt and hobbled over and can barely speak.*
El Tempesta: "Isaac I, uh... I saved your shirt!" *holds up ragged, tattered shirt*
Isaac: *sarcastically* "Oh, Tempesta, that's THE BEST. NEWS. EVER."

*we're fighting in a cramped stairwell*
Tealanna: "I-I can't get by to heal!"
Feliks: "... push the Dwarf off the staircase."
Tealanna: "Hmmm..."
Barnabas: "Ack, lass, first yeh break me heart, then yeh break ere bone in me body!"
Tealanna: "I wasn't actually going to do it!"
About this Entry
D&D - Dashing
cephiedvariable:
Mar. 6th, 2009 @ 04:47 pm I Don't Think I've Ever Played A 'Normal' Game.....
Current Location: In-game
Current Mood: amusedamused
Tags:
Hello, all. I'm new, though I have been watching for a while. My college has a rather large all-women gaming group, and our games run the gamut from mildly spastic to full-on snookerloopy. I've been in several--Werewolf, Vampire, Exalted, Mutants and Masterminds, Seventh Sea, DnD, OGL Ancients--, but these are the only ones I have quotes for. Enjoy:

Last year we had our Ireland game--DnD 3.5, set during the period of transition between traditional pagan worship and the introduction of Christianity. And when you add conflicting religions to a DnD party played by this group, everything gets...special.

DnD IrelandCollapse )


OGL ANCIENTSCollapse )
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Sky--Dreaming
midnight_zephyr:
Mar. 3rd, 2009 @ 02:00 am from my first D&D campaign
I first started playing D&D my senior year of college, which was two years ago. These are just a few quotes that arose from the three months that we gamed together.

Tony - DM
Vanessa - me, Halfling Wizard (specializing in Fire) and sub-DM
Justin - Elf Ranger
Lathan - Half-Orc Druid
Nolan - Human Rogue
Caroline - Elf Cleric

~*~

Read more...Collapse )
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Fanboy
wilwarinandamar:
Feb. 22nd, 2009 @ 07:50 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: amusedamused
Playing in a homebrewed game called "Universal Saga", a scifi game based off of Norse mythos. I currently play Aites Chon, a dwarven mechanic/hacker with a psychic shotgun that knocks you out when it hits you who is pretty much my version of Rodney McKay from Stargate: Atlantis.

Chon: Dude, I just obtained limited godhood. How the bloody hell do you think I'm supposed to top something like that?
Eldest Rosenbloom brother (2 other dwarfs, younger one is dead now): Become a full god?
About this Entry
rian_al:
Feb. 22nd, 2009 @ 02:06 pm Quotes from an Old Campaign
Damien Kole - Human Fiendish Summoner, party tactician and business manager.
Koriil Nailo - Wild Elf Warlock.
Tristan - Wild Elf Druid. Wolf animal companion.
Torgga Teiga - Dwarf Fighter.
Hamulazad Salim Mualahad (Azad) - Human rogue. Referred to by the Warlock's player as "Durka Durka Jihad. "



Damien's Notes (When Tristan announced that his character sometimes doesn't wear clothes.): "Excellent distraction."
Damien's Notes (When Azad tells about his first assassination job and the mental issues that arose from it): "Does not play well with others."

Tristan: "You might get bitten."
Korill: "You might get stabbed."
Tristan: "You might get bitten again."
Korill: "You might get stabbed again."

Damien: "Now you got me started on the terrorist jokes. I'm sorry."
Korill: "I'm not."
Damien: "I'll stop now."
Korill: "I won't."

[Halfway through tavern description, towards bad musicians failing to cheer the mood]
Tristan: "I whistle loudly."
Korill: "Am I in punching range?"
Damien: "I love how we immediately resort to disrupting the atmosphere and violence."

Damien: Seriously, what's your alignment? *Grabs Korill's sheet.*
Damien: Chaotic. Chaotic what? Chaotic stupid?
Korill: Can I be?

Mercenary Leader: "The kingdom just got taken over by a fire elemental!"
Azad: "Is she hot?"

Tristan (about the Fire Elemental): "She doesn't belong here. We should send her back."
Korill (Missing the Idea): "The bartender? I agree!"

Damien (About how to defeat Adrianna the Elemental): "Call Weather: Rain. What now, bitch!?"

Tristan: "I cast magic stones on my stones."
Korill: "You can't throw those…"

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Lycanthrope
mangy_mathan:
Feb. 22nd, 2009 @ 11:43 pm Contextless quotes for your amusement
"You didn't shut up long enough to say no!" (which upon being uttered was immediately compared to the equally awful quote from an old game of ours: "I don't need permission! I have 18 strength!")

"And then you'll be just like him!"
"Yeah, but I've got pants."
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Final Fantasy V
hyperspace:
Feb. 20th, 2009 @ 04:38 pm (no subject)
Legend: Isaac = Vain Warlock, Pampered Prince / Feliks = stodgy Knight & Werewolf, gay for Isaac / El Tempesta = Heroic Masked Monk Man of Love / Barnabas = Dwarven Bard-Rogue, plays a squeezbox / Tealanna = Beautiful Archivist, Book Nerd / Dante = Shapeshifting Mage, actually a Changeling


DM: "To do that, you need a forge."
Barnabas:"... what if we just found a large pit o' fire. Would that work?"
DM: "No, you need a DWARVEN forge."
Barnabas: "What if I were the one tae start th' fire. Would that make it a Dwarven forge?"
Isaac: "No, that would make it a Dwarven pit of fire."
Feliks: "Actually, that would make it arson."

Barnabas: "Why de yeh all get tae do fun things while I've got tae murder a man in front o' his family!?"

Feliks: "Can... can your dark knowledge help me?"
Tealanna: "No. You're fighting your father and I don't have 'Dark Knowledge: asshole'."
About this Entry
D&D - OTP?
cephiedvariable:
Feb. 13th, 2009 @ 07:24 pm (no subject)
El Tempesta is a hero to us all:

Oracle: "Although your mother is dead, I forsee that you do have a sister."
El Tempesta: *looks worried for a moment*
Oracle: "Fortunately, you have not slept with her. Yet. Unfortunately, I don't know what she looks like. You know where this is going, right?"
El Tempesta: "... I should probably... reign it in a bit?"
*the Oracle nods*
El Tempesta: *suddenly brightening* "Okay, okay- but if I just stick to women like.. half orcs or Minotaurs and maybe gnomes, I should be okay, right?"
Oracle: ".... your mother produced you by having sex with an air elemental. I don't think she's exactly adverse to non-humanoid species."
El Tempesta: "Oh God, it runs in the family!"

Also:
*the party runs across a Dwarven statue with three holes in the behind. The Prince examines it for a moment*
Isaac: "Barnabas is this... is this anatomically correct?"
Banabas: "LAD, NO!!!"

And an illustration, randomly, because a picture is worth a thousand words:
About this Entry
D&D - OTP?
cephiedvariable:
Feb. 6th, 2009 @ 03:32 am (no subject)
Legend: Isaac = Vain Warlock, Pampered Prince / Feliks = stodgy Knight & Werewolf, gay for Isaac / El Tempesta = Heroic Masked Monk Man of Love / Barnabas = Dwarven Bard-Rogue, plays a squeezbox / Tealanna = Beautiful Archivist, Book Nerd / Dante = Shapeshifting Mage, actually a Changeling

Dante: "I have heard of Changelings who have forgotten who they are they have been so many people."
OOC: "... t-that's sad!"
OOC: "Yeah, but think how easy credit card fraud would be."

So we have this one family that crops up in our sessions alot. They're called the Okkums and they drink a lot, punch things and sleep around. We just hired one as captain of our ship.
Isaac: "... did... did you just put a hole in the wall?"
Natalie: "You've never dealt with Okkums, have you?"
Isaac: "....... generally we don't let them into Luzenfell."

Feliks is still a woman...
Elven General: *prying, curious* "Is everything your highness doing making your angry?"
Feliks: "Sometimes... I look at him.... and imagine that his head is on fire."

Tealanna: "Feliks are you... eating chocolate and... staring into space?"
Feliks: *nervous* "N-no! Actually, I was just sitting here and I was... I thought..." *holds up a bunch of tactical maps* "I thought I'd like to think of ways to kill things!" (that's manly, right?)

Isaac: "Ah, we have finally found the Blood Navy! I can see the flag of Luzenfell!"
Tealanna: "What is that? A... wolf? On a red shield?"
El Tempesta: "Yeah, weird isn't it? Up until he told me, I thought the Luzenfell crest was a dude stabbing another dude in the back."

Admiral: "Ah, Prince Isaac von Rothschild. You chose to abandon your country and now you return wearing our colors?"
Isaac: "Well, you see: I've bought a new shirt since then. I also have some boats!" *gestures to his small fleet*
Admiral: "........"

... and then Isaac got hitched in a hasty political marriage.
Princess Tigersoul: "Is there anything about you I should know before we make this official?"
Isaac: "Well... uh.... I have... a daughter."
Tigersoul: "... what!?"
Isaac: "Also, I'm addicted to drugs-" *the Princess starts to say something, but Isaac cuts her off* "But that one's not my fault, trust me!"
Tigersoul: *arching an eyebrow* "Anything else?"
Isaac: "I think that my bodyguard might be the love of my life."
Tigersoul: "..."
Isaaac: "My male bodyguard."
Tigersoul: ".... I see."

And somehow this loser managed to get hitched anyways.
Isaac: "I, uh, guess we need a ring then? Er-" *pulls off the ring he got for participating in a magic contest. He slips it onto the Princess' hand* "- I promise I'll get you something nicer once we win the war..."
Tigersoul: "No, no, this is beautiful! I-" *examines the ring in the light* "Wait a second, does this say second place!?"
Isaac: "... er?"
About this Entry
D&D - OTP?
cephiedvariable: